Monthly Archives: April 2007

[BJEmail] One Wish Genie

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One-wish Genie

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman
asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook
myth.  I’m a one-wish genie. So…What’ll it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other
and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and
vice-versa.

It will bring about world peace and harmony.”

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, please be
reasonable.

These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of
shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I’m good, but
not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and
please
be reasonable.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able
to find the right man. You know – one that’s considerate and fun, likes
to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets
along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is
faithful.  That is what I wish for……….a good man.”

The genie let out a sigh and said, “Let me see the freaking map
again.”


[BJEmail] funny

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For everyone who has ever had an evaluation – just remember, it could have
been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee
performance evaluations.

1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig.”
2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
3. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won’t be.”
4. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap.”
5. “When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
6. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them.”
8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
9. “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”
10. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together.”
11. “A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
12. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”
14. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
15. “He’s been working with glue too much.”
16. “He would argue with a signpost.”
17. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
18. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
19. “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other
one.”
20. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
21. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”
22. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
23. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t
coming.”
24. “He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking
for it.”
25. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
26. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
27. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
28. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
29. “One neuron short of a synapse.”
30. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
31. “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.”
32. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Call for Papers for the Eleventh Annual IEEE International Symposium on Wearable Computers

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                      Call for Papers for
             the Eleventh Annual IEEE International Symposium on
                              Wearable Computers

Short Details
=============
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Dates: October 11-13, 2007
Abstract submission deadline: April 22, 2007
Paper submission deadline: April 26, 2007

Call for Papers
===============
Abstracts for submissions for ISWC 2007 are due on April 22nd at 11:59
PM EDT, and submissions are due on April 26th at 11:59 PM EDT.  Visit
iswc.net to submit.

ISWC 2007, the eleventh annual IEEE International Symposium on
Wearable Computers, will bring together researchers, product vendors,
fashion designers, textile manufacturers, users, and all other
interested parties to share information and advances in wearable
computing.

We invite you to attend ISWC 2007 and submit to one or more of the
following categories:  papers, posters, demonstrations, tutorials, and
exhibits.

Potential wearable computing topics for ISWC include, but are not
limited to:
 * Applications of wearable systems in consumer, industrial, medical,
   wellness, educational, and military domains.
 * Use of wearable computers as components of larger systems, such as
   augmented reality systems, training systems or systems designed
   to support collaborative work.
 * Hardware, including wearable system design, input devices,
   wearable displays, batteries, techniques for power management
   and heat dissipation, industrial design, and manufacturing issues.
 * Software architectures, including ones that allow wearable
   computers to exploit surrounding infrastructure.
 * Human interfaces, including hands-free approaches, speech-based
   interaction, sensory augmentation, human-centered robotics, user
   modeling, user evaluation, health issues and interfaces for
   combining wearable and ubiquitous computing.
 * Networks, including wireless networks, on-body networks, and
   support for interaction with other wearables, ubiquitous-computing
   systems or the Internet.
 * Formal evaluation of wearable computer technologies for example
   performance of wearable computer technologies or comparisons of
   existing technologies.
 * Wearable sensors or networks of sensors for context-awareness or
   sensing cognitive state.
 * Wearable communities and wearable technology for social-network
   computation, visualization and augmentation.
 * Operating systems issues related to wearable computing, including
   such issues as scheduling, security, and power management.
 * Social implications and privacy issues.
 * Wearable computing for elder enablement and for people with
   disabilities.
 * Fashion design, smart clothes, and electronic textiles.

Submission
==========
Papers, posters, demonstrations, tutorials, and workshops must be submitted
electronically through the submission web site, which will be linked off of
the main web site at iswc.net. Papers and posters will be fully reviewed.
Authors of accepted submissions will have the opportunity to update their
submissions based on the reviews before the final electronic copy is due.

ISWC 2007 requires electronic submission. Reviewers will be instructed to
maintain the confidentiality of all materials for submitted papers
throughout the entire reviewing process. Submissions should contain no
information that will be proprietary or confidential at the time of
publication.

Papers
======
Papers may be submitted as short papers (up to four pages in length) or full
papers (up to eight pages in length). Each paper must be submitted as a
single PDF file in IEEE Computer Science Press 8.5×11 inch two-column format
(described at
www.computer.org/portal/pages/ieeecs/publications/cps/cps_forms.html
). Short papers should be the same quality as a long paper but
describe work that is more incremental or more preliminary. Accepted short
papers and full papers will be included in the printed conference
proceedings and presented in the paper sessions. Paper authors are strongly
encouraged to upload a supporting video of at most 5 minutes in length along
with their paper submission.

Papers submitted to ISWC 2007 must not be under review by any other
conference or publication during the ISWC review cycle, and must not be
previously published or accepted for publication elsewhere.

Please address any questions about paper submissions to the program
committee co-chairs, Bernt Schiele or Tapani Ryhanen.

Posters
=======
Posters are submitted in the form of a summary of up to two pages in length.
Each poster summary must be submitted as a single PDF file in IEEE Computer
Science Press 8.5×11-inch two-column format (described at
www.computer.org/portal/pages/ieeecs/publications/cps/cps_forms.html
). Accepted poster summaries will be published in the conference
proceedings and the poster will be presented at the conference poster and
demonstration session.

Please address any questions about poster submissions to the program
committee co-chairs, Bernt Schiele (schiele@informatik.tu-darmstadt.de)
or Tapani Ryhanen (tapani.ryhanen@nokia.com).

Demonstrations
==============
Information coming soon – please watch iswc.net.

Tutorials and Workshops
=======================
Information coming soon – please watch iswc.net.

Exhibits
========
Information coming soon – please watch iswc.net.

Important Dates
===============
Abstract Submission: April 22, 2007
Paper Submission:    April 26, 2007
Authors Notified:    June 26, 2007
Camera-ready due:    July 24, 2007
ISWC: October 11-13, 2007

[BJEmail] maybe teh Pope should have said

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Maybe the Pope should have said “CEOs plundering their companies!” >:-}

Ford CEO Paid $39.1 Million for Four Months
www.truthout.org/docs_2006/040507S.shtml
Alan Mulally, who succeeded Bill Ford last year as chief executive of Ford Motor Company, received compensation valued at $39.1 million in his four months on the job in 2006, including an $18.5 million bonus related to his signing and awards he gave up when he left his previous employer Boeing Company, according to a regulatory filing Thursday.

Pope Says Rich Nations “Plundered” Third World
www.truthout.org/docs_2006/040507T.shtml
Rich countries bent on power and profit have mercilessly “plundered and sacked” Africa and other poor regions and exported to them the “cynicism of a world without God,” Pope Benedict writes in his first book. The Pope also condemns drug trafficking and sexual tourism, saying they are signs of a world brimming with “people who are empty” yet living among abundant material goods.

[BJEmail] A Tale of Woe

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Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from UCLA, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness” said the student.

“And the opposite of depression?” he asked the young lady from Clemson.
“Elation,” she said.

“And you, sir,” he said to the student from Texas A&M, “How about the opposite of woe?”
The Texas A&M student replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up”.